I know that I have been “MIA” for a while. Friends, I simply have not wanted to get ahead of God. I have been taking this offtime to work on my spiritual walk. Well, I wouldn’t fall out of a chair with a shout if I were you. This is me we are talking about here, so whatever spiritual advancement there may have been is more like the old “one step forward/two step back” routine.
I have a child that is obsessed with Bible themed movies. We as a family enjoy taking Friday nights and just watching such and chowin’ on the popcorn, etc….As I have viewed MORE than my fair share of them, I have seen a common element. That element is sin. It seems that almost every favorable character chosen by God, Himself to spread His word…….was SINFUL.
With some of the teaching I have received over the years, legalism has become a huge part of my walk. I struggle with perfectionism naturally and this did nothing for me but enhance my phobia of being perceived as “bad”. I have had this ideal mental picture of what it is to be “spiritual”, I could even name you the couple in which I have come to view as such. Nothing I could ever do seemed to be enough to make me like them. All these nice, sweet, innocent speaking people that are around makes me feel like a huge PUTZ.
As I have seen in these movies, these men and women of God sinned and regularly at that. I swear that David was just plain stupid sometimes. I mean, hello, King Saul had the world at his fingertips and blew it. Sarah jumped the gun. Ruth may have caused undo hardship to herself and her family…..my point is this, all these heros of the Faith, were just plain screw-ups like me.
It has taken many years for me to realize that it is actually possible that God can use the likes of this girl from the other side of the tracks. I mean, He did providentially spare my life on multiple occasions, He did provide for me when the odds were against me. He did place people in my life to guide me and disciple me in life and sanctification ( yeh, summa them didn’t do that great of a job did they, lol) Why would He have taken such care of such as me? Maybe He had a plan, imagine that, the Creator of this world having a PLAN……….i thought the monkeys were to credit.
What is my point? I don’t know, I just wanted to touch base with ya’ll. I have been waiting and watching, no pun intended. I have come to accept more that I have a purpose and it isn’t shameful in my longing to fulfill it. I have been priviledged as of late to sing for special events and have an upcoming speaking engagement at a local prison. I don’t know where any of this leads, heck most of it probably doesn’t even make sense. But, I know this very thing….last night as I heard the speaker make point of dilligence, steadfastness, etc…for the future, I sat with tears running down my face. He said I was doing what I was supposed to be doing, I was setting a precidence in the life of my babies. He said I needed to keep on keeping on. He said I was a good mom and that my boys are good kids. He said I was doing something right. He said that there was room for screwups like me………Now, did he say all of that? Nope, but the HolySpirit spoke it through that man’s words. It encouraged me, reminded me that I am making a difference in the lives of my children…………I don’t know what any of this was worth, I swear I don’t think I will even proofread it, as I know I will probably want to rearrange and correct the entire posting. So, I will leave it as it is….if it can encourage you to keep on keeping on, may it do so in the Lord’s way and for His glory. I want to be found faithful in all that I do and to Him does the praise belong for it. Thanks for reading, who knows when we’ll “chat” again, but I guess I just needed to talk to you all tonight…